By heatherferreiracole, Jun 30 2014 07:48PM
More often than not, when I get stuck with something it means I am coming at it from the wrong angle and I need a complete change of perspective. Take ‘Being’ for example. They say that you need to stop living in the future and stop living in the past and just ‘be’ in the moment, in the present. It sounds so easy! But wow, sometimes I find that the simplest things are by far the hardest to undertake.
But where I tend to go wrong, generally, is looking at what I need to stop rather than concentrating on what is already in my hand. In this case I had to stop thinking about the future, stop thinking about the past and then I would be in the present moment. Stop, stop, stop and then…the problem was that I ended up looking more like a frozen statue rather than anywhere remotely nearer to spiritual peace/bliss/oneness.
I realized that the reason I wasn’t ‘being’, and living in the present moment was because I was disconnected from really feeling ‘the moment’. Now, that may have been through a fear of feeling anything at all or perhaps ignorance but whatever it was I wasn’t there. There was a defense mechanism that was stopping me from being there - voluntarily chosen by myself at some point in my life, I might add, as the preferred/safest method of surviving life.
A detached form of living had it’s benefits because you somehow feel that you won’t get as hurt that way, life won’t be as painful. But that is a fallacy, instead of intense pain that passes through, you tend to sit in permanent emptiness, which is intensely painful when you allow yourself to admit that that is where you got to. You also miss out on the amazing things too, the world can be a beautiful place after all and it would be such a shame to live in the grey lands of non-feeling.
I was watching a concert last night and the musicians were phenomenal and as I watched them I was astounded at how connected they were to not only the music around them but to the music they were creating as well. The guitarists hardly moved but all their creativity was channeled into their fingers, which were working overtime to make the beautiful music I was hearing. They were fully connected in that moment.
I often feel very English when it comes to expressing myself. And it takes me to be in a room full of Brazilians to make me realize sometimes just how ‘English’ I am still. Music often really speaks to me but when I try to move my body in a way that feels good, it looks incredibly different from what I imagined it would. When I sing, I sing to my hearts content but if I were to play it back it doesn’t sound quite what it felt like when I was letting it loose. When I paint, it feels really good to squidge the colours out of the bottle, to feel the splodge as the brush meets the paint, the smoothness of the paper as the paint slides over the top of it, but does the painting ever excel beyond the capabilities of the average 5 year old? Not really. But it feels really good. Really good. But then the Englishness kicks in. Well, you shouldn’t really be trying your hand at anything because if you can’t do it perfectly then you shouldn’t be embarrassing yourself trying so publically, you should have nailed that when you were a child and if you didn’t it’s a bit late to be doing it now.
Really? That’s it? I might as well spend the rest of my life watching television cos I know I am really good at that…..
We are all built differently and one person’s expression is not the same as someone else’s. The incredible ability to channel yourself/your being into a specific outlet, be that making music, dance, drawing, cooking etc. is beautiful for the world to watch and appreciate but terribly constricting for the rest of us when we don’t allow each other to feel just because our results are not perfect.
We all have children inside us somewhere and our inner children and our creativity are so incredibly intertwined. What if we were to encourage full self-expression in whatever form that took. It makes me think of the amount of laughs you can have at “Dad dancing” but when I think about the man who sat in an office for years and years on end so I could be educated, be creative, have a beautiful life, and he gets onto the dance floor for a few minutes of creative expression and everyone laughs at him for it.
Isn’t life about expressing ourselves, allowing ourselves to be free? Who made the rule that it all had to be perfect? No wonder anti-depressants are rife, we have ripped the basic freedom of being human right out of us, through our judgment, our need to conform and our need for everyone to look and act the same. This may sound harsh but we are in fact slowly killing ourselves and each other. For every judgmental thought we have on another we are narrowing our worlds and our freedom to express ourselves. As the saying goes, "What is expressed is impressed", for every negative thought or comment we make about another human being then resides in us and eats away at ours and everybody else's health and well-being.
For every time we choose not to connect with another we are denying ourselves a moment of exploration, of furthering our understanding of who we are. We are all perfect, we are all unique. We can choose to celebrate that and help each other, rather than cutting each other down, feeding the fear that we are not good enough. We are perfect just the way we are and the sooner we start including rather than excluding we will be one step closer to health, happiness and truly living a fully human and connected existence.